How to encourage and support your Son Be a Confident Person
Confidence is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child.
As parents, we hope each of our children is a confident person. Unfortunately, so many children, especially teens, suffer from a lack of confidence and low self-esteem.https://www.businessinsider.com/psychologist-explains-how-to-raise-a-more-confident-child-2016-11
As a society, we tend to focus on girls’ self-esteem and girl empowerment. When I was a teenager, I definitely struggled with self-confidence issues.
But now that I have sons and a daughter, I realize that we underestimate how much boys struggle with self-confidence too.
And especially going through the teen years, the rapid physical and hormonal changes, coupled with the stress of new responsibilities and demands can cause a lack of confidence in teen boys. Sometimes all the above is coupled with the change of environment because at their teen stage they change schools.
Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist, and author of 15 parenting books say a kid who lacks confidence will be reluctant to try new or challenging things because they’re scared of failing or disappointing others.http://www.carlpickhardt.com/
This can end up holding them back later in life and prevent them from having a successful career.
“The enemies of confidence are discouragement and fear,” he says. So, as a parent, it’s your job to encourage and support your child as they attempt to tackle difficult tasks.
Thankfully, there’s a lot that can be done to assist help to reduce the powers that have a negative impact on our sons’ self-esteem. Even better, it’s a wonderful opportunity to equip your son with skills that will benefit him throughout life, not just adolescence.
Even though teenagers don’t often act like they value our opinions and advice, they deeply do. In many ways, the teen years are hectic and overwhelming years — your child is just testing his boundaries and your resilience.
So, even if you don’t recognize an immediate, visible response when you’re working on building your teen’s confidence, don’t give up. Your efforts and words are doing their work beneath the surface.
Here are some tips for raising a confident boy child:
Appreciate effort no matter if they win or lose
As they are growing up, the journey is more important than the destination. So whether your child makes the winning goal for his team or accidentally kicks it out of bounds, applaud their effort, Pickhardt says. They should never feel embarrassed about trying. “Over the long haul, consistently trying hard builds more confidence than intermittently doing well,” he explains.
Let them act their age
Don’t expect your child to act like an adult. “When a child feels that only performing as well as parents are good enough, that unrealistic standard may discourage effort,” he says. “Striving to meet advanced age expectations can reduce confidence
Sometimes a child’s endless stream of questions can be tiresome, but it should be encouraged. When children start school, those from households that encouraged curious questions to have an edge over the rest of their classmates because they’ve had practice taking in information from their parents, The Guardian reported, and that translates to taking in information from their teacher. In other words, they know how to learn better and faster.
Give them new challenges
Show your child that they can make and accomplish small goals to reach a big accomplishment — like riding a bike without training wheels.
Never criticize their performance
Nothing will discourage your child more than criticizing his or her efforts. Giving useful feedback and making suggestions is fine — but never tell them they’re doing a bad job.
If your kid is scared to fail because they worry you’ll be angry or disappointed, they’ll never try new things.http://www.carlpickhardt.com/
“More often than not, parental criticism reduces the child’s self-valuing and motivation,” says Pickhardt.
HERE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS TO NOTE AND HOW TO ADRESS THEM TO ASSIST YOUR BOYS:
School can be harder for young boys, what to do when school seems tough
Boys are more impulsive and have a more difficult time sitting still and paying attention than girls do, says Dr. Steiner-Adair. Meanwhile, many schools aren’t designed for short breaks throughout the day that would help them — that would help all kids, in fact. “So when boys can’t sit and wait their turn and the class is too big, what happens is they become disruptive; they shout out the answer,” she says. “And because they are disrupting, the fact that they got the answer right and just couldn’t hold on to it and wait their turn doesn’t count.”
What does count is that when they interrupted, and when they’re criticized repeatedly about it, it diminishes their self-esteem. Not only that but “it also diminishes their love of academics and learning,” Dr. Steiner-Adair says.
How to help
Give praise. If a child is struggling in school, teachers should go out of their way to look for opportunities to compliment him when he does do something right, even if it’s something small. Not only does a steady influx of praise make kids feel happier and more confident at school, but psychologists say that “catching kids being good” can help positively shape their behavior, too.
Boys are expected not to Cry, mine do cry.
Even today, societal norms often dictate that boys aren’t supposed to cry. “So what boys are taught is when you are sad when you are upset, do not get sad but get mad,” Dr. Steiner-Adair says. “We’re making some progress, but by and large the situation is still such that by the age of 8, a boy has to learn how not to cry.” Raising boys who don’t cry is raising mad boys who become madmen.https://childmind.org/article/how-to-build-boys-self-confidence/
She notes that we ask this of boys just at the age where they’re developing the capacity for “really deeper, more meaningful emotions and empathy to disconnect from their own sadness and vulnerability.” Later, these boys-turned-young men have to learn how to communicate their thoughts and emotions “without feeling that it’s somehow a violation of their masculinity.”
How to help
- Let them cry. You can let boys know that they shouldn’t be ashamed of tears — you’re not embarrassed if they cry — and that expressing feelings doesn’t mean they’re weak.
- Be open about feelings. Parents can also validate their boys’ sadness or anger by encouraging them to talk about their Emotions. Bedtime can be a great chance to check in with younger kids, and with teens, you can often get them to open up in the car. “It doesn’t even have to be a deep conversation, just taking stock,
Teasing or bullying
Bullying isn’t healthy for either the bully or the victim. “When you have a gender code that says there is only a spot for one at the very, very top, then boys define themselves and make them better by pushing somebody else down,” Dr. Steiner-Adair says. “So we see a lot of subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, lateral aggression and we see a lot of teasing.” Any sign of weakness is fair game, including not being good at sports or even being too smart.
How to help
- Encourage friendships and activities with girls. Playing with girls and interacting with them in school and in co-ed activities can cut down on competitiveness with other boys and give boys a chance to develop interests that are not traditionally masculine with less fear of ridicule.
- Emphasize empathy. From a young age, parents can encourage boys to be aware of how others think and feel, and take those feelings into account. Busman says that a lot of elementary schools have some sort of social-emotional curriculum, which teaches conflict resolution, and she notes that it’s good for parents to know about them so that they can follow through.
- Don’t allow trash talk in your home. Let boys know that insulting other kids by calling them weak or wimps or losers (or worse) is not acceptable from them, or their friends, and make sure the adults in your family don’t do it, either
- How to Identify Confidence Factors
One of the best things to kick start with the support and motivation is to find out what is really the cause of the reduced confidence and self-esteem. Teens boys are very professionals when it comes to opening up to their parents so at times the parent will have to crack their brains connect dots to get to the bottom of it. They can be very quiet.
Factor#1For example one of my boys just started wanting to do his wavy hairstyle and started to love shopping for clothes. This typical clicked to my head that he’s now more conscious of his looks and appearance.
How to help: The right clothes –Seeing my son so concerned with his appearance, we went shopping for clothes that fit him better. It took some looking, but we finally found several pairs of slim jeans with adjustable waists so he could tighten them enough to fit properly. I don’t think you have to dress your kids in designer clothes to protect their self-esteem. But well-fitting clothes that they are comfortable to do make a big difference!
Factor#2Then my last boy wants to shower morning and night and love smelling good. This clearly indicates to me that personal hygiene has become a priority.
How to help: The right hygiene products-For this shower-obsessed guy, wanted to provide shower products that helped him get really clean quickly and easily. And, because I’ve been on a long campaign to eliminate harmful chemicals from my home, I wanted products that were all-natural, especially since he’d be applying them directly to his body. I opted to use NuSkin products for him because at the same time I buy them, I also earn some passive incomehttps://www.nuskin.com/content/nuskin/en_ZA/home.html
Factor #3- My elder son started to develop an interest in getting really fit. He has been using all available home equipment to build his muscles. He’s pretty proud of those muscles.
How to help –We encouraged our son to continue with his home equipment as well as saving for a gym joining/subscriptions fees
It is evident that we need to pay attention to our sons. Are they eating differently? Dressing differently? Starting new hobbies or sports?
All of these changes are clues about what matters to your son right now. And if it matters, it’s going to affect his confidence.
Make Him Feel Valued
I knew feeling clean and smelling good was going to help my son feel more confident. What I didn’t expect was the confidence boost that came from having products that were designed specifically for him.
Teach Him Positive Self Talk
We’ve all seen movies and TV shows where a character gives him a pep talk in the mirror before heading into an important meeting. While that’s a wonderful example of positive self-talk, it’s not one many people are comfortable doing and it’s not the only way to do it.
Whenever you catch your son engaging in negative self-talk, help him rephrase in a positive way.