A FIRST TIME MOM’’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING TEENAGE PREGNANCY/PARENTHOOD PART ONE
FORGIVING YOURSELF, THEN FORGIVE OTHERS
ARTICLE BY: KGALALELO MOTHIBEDI
06 MAY 2020
Have u ever felt like you are drowning in a swamp of commitments and you are unable to continue? Have you ever felt like giving up on everything and run away to a very deserted kind of place. Have ever wondered why JESUS can’t just come and take things that he said we should not carry on our shoulders? If yes, then you are on a parenting journey and you need parenting aadvice and parenting tips to survive
What can anyone really say about motherhood? It’s a job that begins before the child is even born and it never ends, no matter how “grown up” a child may think he or she is. Though the joys that come with being a mother can be infinitely rewarding, the responsibilities involved are often emotionally draining as well. While fathers may take on many of the tasks associated with being a parent, mothers are most likely to be the primary caregivers for their children, especially for the first few years of life. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/media-spotlight/201511/surviving-motherhood%3famp
And it doesn’t matter how well-educated or well-off these mothers are, the burden involved can be overwhelming at times. Survey studies show that the number of hours spent in child rearing activities has risen from 12 to 20.5 hours a week for college-educated mothers between 1993 and 2008.
If you answered yes to the above questions then you are at the right place. There is a popular saying that ‘’where there is a will, there is a way”’
Perhaps you are lucky if your days come and go calmly in this motherhood journey. In actual sense there are Millions of teenage girls are out there suffering the effects of anxiety, stress and depression, the hurting part is that others are not even aware of the problem. This problem is growing so fast because of fear of the unknown
Like mentioned in the previous blog, being a young parent, no matter how it affects physically and emotionally never forget that it can mold the mother and the baby into wonderful people to look up to. It can transform you into a super-cool mum. There many ways that one can adopt to survive teenage mother hood and step up to the next levels in life. Being a Teenage parent can make a young girl to set limitations in her life she looks at herself and say:
- Am a loser
- Am such an embarrassment to my parents
- My life is screwed up
- I will never make it in life
- I can’t have friends
- Will I ever make a worthy wife
The following are some of the powerful points to be observed to conquer the race of parenting:
1. Forgive yourself
Self-Forgiveness start with realizing that there is some kind of judgement and condemnation that you placed on yourself because of wrong doing act that has happened and has caused some kind of disruption in a process. Judgments are your own statements that can lead to mental and emotional disruptions in your life. An example can be “I should have never talked to that guy”. Maybe you think you should kept better friends Regardless of your socioeconomic background, Society has taught us that there are some measures used to define success of a girl child.
There is common sayings that first wears the matric dance dress, then the graduation dress, then the wedding dress and finally wear your maternity dress. Skipping these steps to wear a maternity dress, which you never had because you could not afford, causes some kind of disruption in your life.
The fact, that besides taking the reverse way of the common saying, you have also went against the bible that there should be no sex before marriage, the community deems you a failure and a sinner and you end up seeing yourself in that fashion.
So in order to survive challenges of being teenage parent, you need to forgive yourself. Forgiveness brings peace. Forgiveness opens a door for future opportunities. Forgiveness is very important.
Forgiveness means a point where we cannot hold grudges or seek revenge, forgiveness can also be an act of showing pardon and compassion. So do not hold a grudge on self. Beating yourself too much is very destructive.by forgiving yourself you are literally giving love to the part of yourself that have been hurt. There is a vulnerable part of yourself that you are giving it a warm tight hug. After this you will come to realize your power.by doing this you are breaking limitations that we mentioned above
The struggles of teenage pregnancy and parenting can bring severe shame on self. The fact that it is coupled with stigma and judgement from the community around you, you become ashamed. The shame will result in trauma and fear of moving on so try your best to get rid of that shame. Let’s look at this bible verse as your weapon to steer into the future (do not be afraid, you will not suffer shame, do not fear disgrace, you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more Isaiah 54 v 4).
2. FORGIVING OTHERS
After you have started your own journey to forgiveness, yes I say it’s a journey because forgiveness cannot be abrupt. You cannot start today and tomorrow say you done, it’s a life process. There are incidents that will keep hitting you and you will find yourself at the start point. Forgiveness is like healing, it is a process
As much as you have placed judgement on yourself, the community has placed on you too. Your friends have judged you. Your parents have said hurting words out of anger and disappointments. Other have been abandoned by parents because of sinful act called teenage pregnancy. You feel that the father of the child no matter if he’s present or a runaway father, he has defiled you, he has taken away your pride as a girl. You feel some hatred for him that he has taken your joy and your happiness sometimes you even look at the baby and you think he’s taken away your life you are now leaving for him
It is time that you start the process of forgiving them , all of them.it may not be easy for you to do it but always pray that god will give you help to forgive them.do not rush the process just take it as gradual as you can and with GOD on your side you shall conquer it. Do not harbor unforgiveness with yourself.it will block your future plans. It will prevent you from learning from your experiences of been a teen parent.
The question that might arise is how I start, begin by removing blames. Stop even blaming yourself. By so doing you are allowing the process and experiences to unfold. Stop blaming that you are a teenage mother because of them. Start by acknowledging your feelings towards them. (Colossians 3: 13 bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you)
Try your all best to remove resentment and anger. It will destroy you. If they have decided to treat you in such a manner, there is nothing you can do to change them, but there is more you can do to change yourself .show kindness to them and be patient with them (Ephesians 4: 31-32 get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander along with every form of malice. 32 be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you)
“Greater is He that is within us than the one in the world” this is one of the scripture verses that I live with every day. If I cannot do it in my personal capacity then God that is within me shall do it. you will be amazed as to how some things becomes easier in life
When you are in this forgiveness journey you will start to observe your current presence. You will start to look yourself in the mirror and smile. You will stat to love yourself
Next part of the guide we talk on how to love yourself , so the love can start to radiate and flow out
KEEP POSTED ON MORE BEING A TEENAGE PARENT STORIES AS WELL AS STRUGGLES OF BEING A TEENAGE PARENT.
Remember the saying “don’t stay angry for a long time.it will stay in your subconscious mind and it will manifest negatively in your life”.
Remember through forgiveness you are freeing yourself of the chains so you can start the journey to being a super-cool mum
LETS MEET AGAIN
Thanks for joining me!!!. My name is Kgalalelo Mothibedi. I am a mother of four beautiful and grown up kids( Laone 24, Kaelo 20, Khumo 14 and Obakwe 8.) I look forward to sharing my parenthood journey with you to empower and motivate you that motherhood is indeed a wonderful hood to be in
In the next blog will share on surviving teenage mother hood at the same time re-finding your identity, learning to love yourself and the baby, juggling with school as a teen mother
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